So many illusions...

I finished the book of Acts today. It makes me marvel at the sovereignty of God.

Yesterday I mentioned that Paul's life was so dramatic that reading about it is enough to make me have a nervous breakdown at times. I can't imagine all the ups and downs, twists and turns that his life took. It made me realize that I haven't let go of the illusion that I am some how in control of my life at times. I believe I have surrendered everything in my life (my family, my gifts, my resources, my time, etc), until something touches one of those areas. For example, I think I have surrendered my time until I realize how aggravated I can get when my planned schedule is interrupted.

Maybe I am not as surrendered as I thought? I read this last chapter of Acts...Paul and everyone on board miraculously survives a nightmarish storm and shipwreck. Paul then narrowly escapes death from the prison guards, who think it is better to kill the prisoners than have them escape, by the intervention of the Roman centurion.

Once everyone is on shore, the people of Malta, where they washed ashore, showed an "unusual kindness" to everyone. They built a fire to keep them warm; they brought them in from the rain, etc. Paul, always the servant, helps to build the fire- when wouldn't you know it- he gets bit by a venomous viper. I think hasn't Paul had enough?

The people believe God is getting His justice...surely the "wrongdoer" can't escape God's justice forever- he escaped the storm, he escaped the shipwreck, but God got him with the snake.

But, Paul was not a "wrongdoer." He was God's apostle to the Gentiles. He was the one Jesus personally sent to tell non-Jews about the mystery of the Messiah, the Hope of not just the Jews but the whole world.

Paul just shook off that snake. He never suffered one after effect. The people were amazed. The Bible says, "The people expected him to swell up or suddenly fall dead, but after waiting a long time and seeing nothing unusual happen to him, they changed their minds..."

Paul was then given the opportunity to heal all the sick on the island, and don't you know he was preaching about the One who made all this possible- Jesus.

I think I know why Paul was able to trust God completely through his life...how he could rely upon the fact that God brings good out of every bad situation...that God's strength is seen most clearly in his weakness...because he lived it.

I ask myself, is there any difference between the Jesus I follow and the One that Paul followed? The answer is no. The only difference is that Paul knew Him better than I know Him now. Paul could trust Him more completely because He knew Him in a more complete way. I'm getting there. I haven't arrived, but like Paul, I keep pushing ahead to know Christ Jesus more and more.

I hope I will throw off all of those illusions that keep me from really knowing him better. Those illusion that make be believe that somehow I'm in control...or that I can handle this...or that I know better...or that I can make this happen...or that I can prevent this or that. There are so many illusions that I still wrestle with, but I have hope that I can turn from those very apparent mirages and see and trust Jesus, the One who is always there but difficult to see.

Jesus, free from illusions. Reveal Yourself to me.